Sunday, January 29, 2012

Missing Dog

People of South Connellsville! A chocolate lab has been spotted running around my friend's sister's house. It has a collar, but the dog runs away when approached. If this dog may be yours, please inquire within!

This reminds me of the time a dog got loose and was hanging around my neighborhood. I didn't want him to run into the main road, which he eventually did anyway, so I tried to lure him with treats. He ignored me. So did my neighbors, who witness me trying to chase down this beastly but gentle dog. When I finally got him, I had to sit with him outside and play phone tag. I called my mom, my mom called the vet on the tag since there was no phone number, the vet called the owner, my mom called me, and I called the owner.

I think he thought we were playing a super fun game, because when his owner arrived, he ran off and onto a neighbor's deck before she could get him in her SUV.

Sunday, January 22, 2012


I was going to do a nice post that proves my bio correct. You know, the idea that you can take the girl out of the Nam but you can't take the Nam out of the girl. You see, when you get a bunch of Fayettenamese at Headkeeper's in Greensburg on a Saturday night, drinking beer that doesn't cost a dollar or wasn't bought for you by a creepy old man older than your parents, things get a little weird. You may find yourself sitting between two men arguing about snuff brands.

Maybe tomorrow.

Instead, when I decided to check the blog stats (12,000 views is ridiculous!), I saw a very interesting search term--"where to hide from cops at parties."

First of all, I have never talked about that. I also have no experience in hiding from cops at parties. The closest call I ever had was the first time some friends and I had an empty house for a weekend, broke out some booze, and heard one of my friend's relatives coming in early in the morning while we were still asleep and had cups and bottles strewn all over the kitchen table. What do you do when you have 30 seconds to hide the evidence of a binge?

You throw a blanket over the table.

This was ever questioned. Said relative never questioned the mysteriously bottle-shaped parts of the blanket.

Unfortunately, all photographic evidence of this has been removed from Facebook.

However, I have friends who had much closer calls than that. At the same house.

The story goes that the cops were called twice to a graduation party, by neighbors that were related to the party hosts. They were probably just jealous. While the party raged on outside, some underage drinkers hid inside and pretended to sleep when the cop went inside.

A few others decide to break off and run into the woods. I believe someone was either in barefoot or in flip-flops, or maybe started in flip-flops and ditched them. Either way, they ran into the woods. Where the cop decided to shine his flashlight and just miss one of them.

So, where can you hide from cops at a party? In the woods! But at your own risk.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Church Signs and the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Angst

Okay, I unfortunately have no pictures of either of these. I do have a different one lurking on my own phone that I need to post.

Church signs are always fun. Especially at Christmas, although this year wasn't as fun and brought boring signs. Last year gave us "Congratulations, Mary and Joseph! It's a boy!"

They have nothing on the church down the road from me, though. Their signs have included complaints about the devil, not listening in sermons, and Easter having nothing to do with bunnies. One of their best was, "America, it's not working. Go back to God" and the more recent "1 cross + 3 nails = 4given."

Up the road a little farther is a Christian bookstore with a trailer serving as a mobile chapel, which actually doesn't appear to be very mobile since it's always there. And looks a bit rusty.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Oh, Really?

I have never seen this enforced.

I have also had fellow barflies tell me, "Watch out for cops." Not, "Driving drunk is bad and unsafe."

Don't worry. I make smart decisions and don't drive drunk.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

A Very FayetteNam New Year's

If it's not clear already, there are some ways in which I embody Fayette County stereotypes. Like my bio says, you can take the girl out of the Nam but you can't take the Nam out of the girl.

So how did I spent my New Year's? Started at Sherwood's for a few drinks and then moved to my friend's house, whose family is a group of wonderful partiers. While you were at your classy parties, I was sitting around a table playing quarters and being given multiple shots of...moonshine. It's surprisingly smooth.

I've since realized that I actually remember very little of what happened that night. Except for saying to my boyfriend when I tried to sleep, "The room is spinning."