Carmike, Get With It

Oh, Laurel Mall movie theater.

At first, I thought maybe I've just been spoiled with nice theaters recently. After all, all the movies I've seen in about the past month have been in nice theaters--Greensburg's Carmike, some beastly nice place in State College, and even Uniontown's Carmike (if you disregard the bathrooms). But no. You just suck, Laurel.

Now, the staff and everything is nice. Even the tiny size is forgivable, as well as the signs outside that have to be 40 years old. If it still works, why fix it? Besides, it just preserves Fayette County's status as a real-life time warp.

Even the stories of employee sex in the projection room is okay, because at least it's away from all five of the theater's customers and you can't really blame them.

But the dirt in those theaters looks about as old as the signs out front. The backs of the seats, which are what I'm guessing would normally be a light beige, are all smeared with black. Same with the floors, but that's less of a problem because, you know, floor and all. And I get that cleaning seats in a theater probably is never really a priority, but at this point, something needs done. Even the upholstery seems dirty, but that might just be because my mom pointed out how do the plastic parts of the seats were and I got nervous.

"All they need is a magic eraser," my mom said. I disagreed. They need more than magic erasers. They need all-out disinfectant.

Carmike, the seats look gross enough that I'm willing to come in and clean them myself for free, perhaps minus the cost of supplies because that would bankrupt me.*

*After testing cleaners on a seat first to ensure they can, in fact, be cleaned and are not permanently stained.