Sign Me Up!

I hope it studies things like throwing beer cans, tires, and shopping carts in the river. Term papers should include studies on and interviews with the River King and various River Rats. Class should be taught from a fleet of rafts on the river (floatopia).

Thanks to my brother for the photo of his actual syllabus.

In other Penn State Fayette news, one of his professors said, "Whenever I hear country music, I get diarrhea." I'm sure this professor was promptly heckled and sacrificed to the YoughNess Monster.

Man Assaults Family Because of Chicken

Forget finger-lickin' good--this chicken is ass-kickin' good.

A Fayette County man assaulted his son and daughter-in-law when they served him baked chicken instead of fried. He's in jail with $20,000 bail.

This guy has to have other issues, whether it be something emotional or substance-related or a general history of violence because normal, well-adjusted people just don't assault people over chicken. You guys, STOP.

And once again, what is it with people and food in this county? I'd understand if the lack of food was the problem, but people are consistently getting violent because of preparation and quality.

Man, could you imagine what this guy would do if someone gave him, like, a soy chicken patty?

You Might Be Redneck

Who needs extension ladders anyway?

I can always count on my cousin Adam for things like this.

Oh, the Irony

From Fayettenam Sucks

If you're going to dedicate a blog to making fun of Fayette County, you'd better make sure you use proper grammar. Otherwise, your attempts are a fail and you will be publicly mocked on other blogs that make fun of Fayette County for embodying the very stereotypes you mock.

Facebook Ruins Everything

If you like food, this sounds pretty awesome. If you don't like food or eating ducks, this doesn't sound pretty awesome. I think I was at the Stone House once and liked it. Someone on Facebook disagrees.

"why post ads for one of the worst restaurants in the area? the smoking crab has better in house beer and much better food. not to mention how bad the service is and how little critchfield cares about his employees. do yourself a favor and pick anywhere else. lol."

Remember, guys, if you say "lol" or "haha" or some other variation, it makes everything you say okay! It's the internet version of the "I'm Just Kidding" Defense, because you can totally say whatever you want and negate any hurt caused by insisting you were joking.

Also, if you don't like a restaurant, no one can like it and no one can post about it ever. I mean, you could always just not go to the event, but maybe that's too obvious. Plus I don't trust people that name a specific place to go instead. Why that place, huh? Are you an employee? Don't tell me where to go!

Fayettenam Facebook Page Screws Up

I was a little late to the Fayettenam Facebook page party to see this unfold in real-time--or at least most of it because THEY'RE STILL GOING. A lovely commenter informed me the page screwed up huge.

Apparently, they posted a picture of a kid on a dolly at Lowe's, who they assumed "was able-bodied and just being lazy." Turns out the kid is autistic. Fortunately, when the mistake was pointed out, the page's administrators apologized and (as far as I can tell) removed the photo. Good on them for doing the right thing and declining to make fun of handicaps (that said, I'm not sure I liked their phrase "people that can't help it." So, like, if someone made a choice that led them to be disabled, does that make mockery okay? Confused).

I do make fun of a lot on this blog, mostly weird things or people doing stupid things. When it comes to individuals, I try to keep things critical rather than ridiculing. Making fun of people just isn't nice, dudes, and saying, "I'm just kidding!" doesn't justify cruelty. Let's all get along!

Except some people don't see it that way. Just venture into any comments section of anything on the internet ever.

• Number of people who said "fuck 'em" or some variation of it: 2
• People who brushed it off: 1
• People who considered it "good publicity" for the page: 1. Guess he was right.
• People who cried "bad parenting": 3, including multiple criticisms of the child's weight.
• People who cried "disabled kids belong in wheelchairs": 2. Apparently, though, Lowe's does not provide unmotorized wheelchairs.
• People who said "people can't take a joke": 1
• People who said "apologies are for the fake": 1. He shall get far in life.
• People who said "people have too much free time": 1. Y'all should try blogging, by the way.
• People who wanted Walmart pics instead: 1. People of Walmart is already a thing, ma'am.
• Angry Mama Bear who schooled everyone's asses and gets endless hugs from me and other people with souls yet still had to justify and explain everything her kid was doing in the photo: 1. "THAT WAS MY CHILD, YOU ASS! It is people like you that need to be removed from facebook. You only seem to care about making fun of people. You should not take pictures of peopl and put them on public websites without their permission. Just because my son is autistic doesn't give you or anyone else the right to bully him and make stupid inconsiderate comments. Anyone who subscribes to this facepage should take a long, hard look in the mirror before poking fun and saying ridiculous things about someone they don't even know."
• Angry Sister Bear who schooled everyone's asses: 1. "Just to let you all no that's my brother my sister was pushing in a Dolly seriously do you think he would of been in a Dolly if Lowes had a wheel chair to use he is also bow legged making it hard to walk. Tell me do you really know what atuism is to be even running your mouth as for where was my parent they were right beside him as the ass took the picture he was not on any danger it is just like a buggy with out sides and I swear come up to me in a store and I will explain it to you. Oh. I dont have friends on here that like this link a friend of mine cousin I guess is and she told me about it. And it is sad that it is adults commenting on this like child. Why do you think your child our rude and dont listen. Karma is a bitch in many ways."

And then things got kind of crazy but awesome with people defending the kid (though I'm not sure what they expected the Nam to say...) and his mom spewing all sorts of justified gems like calling the page a "cyberbully." Technically, I think she's right.

This, however, may be my favorite: "In Fayette County it's incredibly hard to tell the difference between the mentally challenged and the average native. Anyone could have made that mistake."

Or maybe, "Last time I checked Autism symptoms did not include not being able to wear shoes, not maintaining a reasonable weight, or an inability to walk..." Don't worry, she was called "uneducated" and "a total dumbass." I get the anger, but isn't that also a form of cyberbullying?

So, I HATE YOU ALL. Except Mama Bear, of course. Why did I go down this rabbit hole of suck in the first place? I must hate myself, too.

Random

• Fayette County needs its own version of Yinztagram. With, like, George C. Marshall, Joe Hardy, Bud Murphy's, the Mighty Yough, etc.
• HGB's tweeting some business about starting a scholarship fund. Speaking of philanthropy, I need to check in on the Zach Nelson Foundation.
• Uniontown's Carmike is a small step above Laurel Mall's. They may have cupholders, but they also have plastic covering some seats. But at least you know not to sit there then, right?
• I should get paid for all the business information I share on the blog's Facebook page.
• Now that I have a real, adult job and am living and working outside of the Nam, I'm no longer a stringer for the Herald-Standard. I guess I could technically contribute when I wanted, but I already do too many things. Anyway, this meant that I didn't cover the Dawson Grange Fair for the third year in a row, which was a bummer, mostly because I missed having funnel cake for dinner.

FayetteFred Just explaining 2 daughter Dakota Lynn Marie that George C Marshall is famous 4 inventing the Big Mac and killing a Big Foot in Smithfield. 7/31/12 5:04 PM