A Small Favor

I know everyone hates those "vote for so-and-so!" things, but...take a second and try to get my cousin Meredith to win a modeling contest? She doesn't think she stands a good chance of winning, but there's no harm in trying to help on of our own break out.

In exchange, I'll tell you a little bit about her role in the Nam. She's a year younger than me, but she took dance lessons at a very young age, which made me want to take dance lessons. Finally, the Fayette School of Ballet opened and we both enrolled. I was six. I stayed until I was 13. I got bored, really. She kept at it until she graduated and did all sorts of cool things, including dancing during some fashion show thing at the State Theater and in Ballet Lafayette's productions.

Without all that, I wouldn't know about people like Rob Hensley, and I wouldn't have some great stories (or memories). Including the one time Ballet Lafayette opened the fall season with The Legend of Sleepy Hollow for Halloween and terrified people.

Since it was Halloween and Tom Savini's make-up students were helping with our effects, we decided to do something cool and have "zombies" wandering around the lobby (later productions featured fog machines and "grim reapers" doing the same thing). The people playing the zombies looked awesome and were really into it. They decided to walk around outside the theater, including the street when the lights were red and cars were stopped. They were so convincing that a few people screamed in their cars, and the terror continued to the point that the zombies were instructed to keep the search for brains confined to inside the theater.

Then there's the time when Meri was little and was in a dance that had her holding a big lollipop as a prop. She dropped it before her dance. It shattered into pieces everywhere. She cried.

County Crime Roundup

• We're starting off strong with a man who failed to comply with Megan's Law. Happy Saturday! The good news is new requirements will be effective in December...if we can get people to comply.
• A Dunbar woman will be going to trial for using a gas card belonging to a nonprofit organization. The best part is the organization provides services for disabled residents. Because Fayette County criminals aren't content with being mean criminals--they have to be really mean criminals.
• Then there's a classic case of forged prescriptions. The woman is charged with a total of 54 counts. She pretended to be a doctor's employee filling prescriptions on behalf of patients. Apparently, she acquired a "myriad" of drugs, but I'm curious (or a nosey patch hunky) and want to know what they are!
• One metal business is suing another for registered a domain name that could confuse customers and make it seem like the businesses are connected. I think the most interesting thing here is the word "cybersquatting," and I think maybe we should rethink using that word.
• A man's murder conviction was upheld. He shoved his girlfriend down a mine shaft. How has Law & Order not been inspired by us?
• Breaking out doesn't always mean breaking out habits--a former NFL player and Brownsville resident didn't pay his taxes!
• A couple and a teenager assaulted police. Teach 'em young.
• A man was charged in a police chase, during which he threw a bunch of drugs out the window.

Tales of a Patch Hunky

So, last night I was told the tale of a family who went to Eat 'N' Park, thought their meals were too large, and refused to pay for them.

Now, at first I thought they'd eaten most of the food, were unable to finish, and felt that since the portions were so big they shouldn't have to pay. Fortunately, I was wrong, and they actually sent the food back when they saw the size. Still, though, that's not that much better, and it's a classic example of a first-world problem.

What's the point in even complaining about that, anyway? You can just take the leftovers home. If you're doing something afterward and can't take the food or leave it sitting in your car or something, eat what you can or plan ahead and, you know, look into smaller portions or the salad bar instead.

My boyfriend blames patch-hunky mentality.

Now, since I am not a patch hunky and was never around patch hunkies, I'm still not 100% about how one becomes a patch hunky. Like, at what point do you go from just a person living in a patch to being a patch hunky?

According to my boyfriend, "Someone from a patch got out before the infection was complete." He theorizes patch hunkies are county nobility that are "just enough ahead of the average Fayette County humanity guideline that they think they're nobles."

The only real concrete thing I have to go on is patch hunkies are always all up in everybody's business and I guess are mean sometimes. I don't know. I grew up in a creepy house on a hill and moved to a patch when I was 13, but that gives me no status as a patch hunky because I was in a section of the patch that had been turned into a fancy housing community like the one in that awesome X-Files episode.

So what we have here is an example of Fayette County's very own and unique social classes--if you can call them that. It's more like what people call other people when they're complaining about the county. Meaning you've got your patch hunkies, gypsies, welfare queens, white trash, general trailer trash, rednecks, and rich snobs.

THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN NOW NOW NOW

You guys, my greatest dream of the Nam getting its own reality show might be one step closer to happening.

An LA company has actually expressed interest in the greatest of all topics--OUR JUSTICE SYSTEM!

Brianna Mitchell, founder and creator of the Brownsville Film Office, told the Fayette County Prison Board on Wednesday that she has been in contact with Leopard Films USA about the potential television reality series that would follow the lives of those who have entered into the county justice system and the process they encounter.

PLEASE, BABY JESUS. I'll revoke all my previous prayers if you just grant this one.

Also, Brownsville has a film office? The last time I was in Brownsville, and I mean deep in its bowels, was when I get lost because my GPS didn't know the toll road is a thing and I felt like I was in Centralia. There's, like, 9 people in Centralia thanks to an underground mine fire that's been burning longer than both of my parents have been alive.

And I hope by "process" they really mean dealing with the crazy. Basically, I don't want to hear about the system itself so much as I want our own Cops, but I'll take what I can get.

Best of all, THEY'RE NOT LOOKING AT ANY OTHER AREA. JUST US. We might be on our way to breaking out, Fayette County. And if we get this, maybe we can get our own Real Housewives. South Connellsville Shore. Extreme Trailer Makeover. 

County Commissioner Vince Zapotosky said that if a series would develop, he would not want it to reinforce the “Fayette Nam” perception of those outside the county.

Politicians keep saying they want to reverse the stereotype but do nothing to reverse the stereotype. And even if they do, I'm not changing my blog name, dudes. And you can dream all you want, Zapotosky, but this is EXACTLY what's going to happen. If the things people do here make for good writing and radio material, you can bet it'll make for great TV.

Commission Chairman Al Ambrosini said that he was in awe of some of the happenings in the courthouse during his first visit.

“Hollywood couldn’t possibly make these things up,” he said.

Ambrosini gets it. Even my dad's coworkers read this blog and don't think it's real. And you know it's just gonna get weirder when people realize they can get on TV and not just HeraldStandard.com.

The Nam on Facebook: Historical Society

Gradually, more and more positive representations of the Nam keep popping up on the internet. This is either a direct reaction to the negative representations of the Nam or an attempt to step out of the time warp, get in this century, and connect and share things on an unnatural level.

The Fayette County Historical Society is the latest to jump in, and they've been posting lots of cool pictures of the Nam's glory days along with, of course, little history lessons. For example, we used to have tons of rich people, and those rich people had cool things like this:

And this suspension bridge!

And academies...in Redstone!

Speaking of history, I used to live in one of Connellsville's landmarks.

Proof We Used to Be Awesome (In Dawson)

Behold, the Cochran Bank, courtesy Abandoned, Old, and Interesting Places.

Crikey, ain't she a beauty?

Remember, we used to be awesome. Maybe this Olive Garden will be able to boost us back into our glory days.

Fine Dining: Return to Nguyen's

My boyfriend is 6'4". When we go out to eat, the meal usually ends with me sitting with boxed leftovers while he's still going. If we go to some sort of buffet, I'm usually halfway through a dessert plate I piled with too much food because I never learn and he's still going on plate #4.

Except at Nguyen's Friday night, we were both down maybe a few bites into the main course. The soup, salad, and sushi did both of us in.

We stopped by my parents' house with three boxes of leftovers--we couldn't even finish said sushi--where my brother said we were just in time for dinner. I told him we just ate and said, "Guess where? Where's the only place around here where you can come home with three boxes of leftovers?" My mom responded immediately with, "Nguyen's."

My mom suggests getting the lunch portions--they're cheaper and smaller.

The last time I ate Nguyen's, I had takeout. Dining in was a nice experience. It's one of the nicest places in the county, and it was nice and quiet until later in the evening.

The food is also more impressive dining in. Everything is presented beautifully, for one, and you get some little bonuses like little tofu chunks in peanut sauce with the salad (if you order a vegetarian meal). This time, I actually did branch out and tried the vermicelli salad delight (boyfriend got the pad thai with steak and shrimp). I hate the bean sprouts and the rice noodles definitely need the plum sauce they give you to help them out. Fortunately, it's really good. Unfortunately, they don't give you enough, but that could be because I'm one of those people that smothers all my food in condiments. I douse my salads in dressing. I smother my fries and veggie burgers in ketchup. I'm not one for subtlety.

My boyfriend, who has some minor complaint about every single place we have ever eaten with few exceptions, didn't complain.

I'm still obsessed with the cucumber rolls. They were a little chewy this time, but I still had to instruct my boyfriend to take them away and keep them at the far corner of the table. The same goes for the miso soup. In fact, my original plan was to order a few cucumber rolls and miso soup alone, and then I saw the dinner menu and once again made the mistake of ordering more than I could eat.

Everything can be summed up by the following tale: the next day and night, I was still munching on the cucumber rolls. My boyfriend walked into my kitchen and said, "Hey, can I have a piece of your cucumber roll?" I had already eaten the whole thing.

Amateur Strippers

So, a woman was arrested for stopping cars in Uniontown and offering to strip for money. Guess where she was? Around Gallatin Avenue. I feel bad for that dude who's trying to keep it a no-ho zone.

Naturally, the woman freaked out when the cops came and just kept on freaking out in her holding cell.

I'm not gonna judge how ladies choose to make their money, but can we at least keep the profitable stripping (or free shows, for that matter) to the Philly Corral? That way people know they're getting strippers and the strippers can trust the customers (mostly). Make smart decisions, ladies!

The Nam on Twitter: Shadow Communities

WPXI_Courtney A guy on Fayette Co talk radio is talking about the "shadow communities" that live underground & make the air & trees "up here" go bad 9/13/12 2:48 PM

Wait, I know what's going on here.

Zack Nelson Memorial

I can't believe it's already been a year since Zack Nelson died, but here we are. An informal memorial will be held around 4:00 PM Saturday at the Jumonville Cross.

More importantly, though--especially you youngins--remember that driving drunk or distracted is extremely dangerous and has very real consequences. Another important lesson to take from this is forgiveness, as the Nelson family has so gracefully demonstrated.

If you'd like other ways to show your support, I'm sure Zack's bracelets are still available or can be obtained easily. Let me know if you're interested.

Nam Native Makes Directorial Debut

You may remember Rob Hensley from things like Leo's Love Story and my wacky tales of the Ballet Lafayette glory days, when he did things like cut my hair and dye it purple in his kitchen. Rob's ditched us for LA (again), but at least we can enjoy what he's been doing out there.

So check out the short film he directed below. It's proof that you can tell an effective and interesting story within like three minutes.

 
Walking On Shells from Gorgeous PR, Inc. on Vimeo.

The Nam on Facebook: Abandoned, Old, and Interesting Places

For some reason, abandoned, old, and interesting places are just...well, interesting. They're spooky, oddly cool, and reminders of not just the past but also what the future could be. Which is why this Facebook page full of such pictures is pretty awesome.

The page covers all of western Pennsylvania, and naturally, the Nam is represented. We have a lot to keep adding, too. For all of Uniontown's fancy new stores, there are plenty of abandoned ones just over in Connellsville. Here's a good one from Grindstone.

Someone Missed the Memo

Sounds like this guy thought Nguyen was a full-blown sushi bar and not a small, traditional Vietnamese restaurant.

Other than that, let's not forget that this is Uniontown. Shogun and Nguyen might be going strong with expensive food that isn't burgers, pizza, or fries (so far), but that doesn't mean some fancy sushi bar would make it--yet. We're not ready. We're just getting an Olive Garden, guys. Baby steps.

Speaking of, that Olive Garden is coming along well, but I still think it's too good to be true and will believe it when I eat it.

Zimmerlink Lawsuit Should Be Thrown Out

Those pesky, arguing commissioners.

A court attorney feels Zimmerlink's lawsuit against Vicites and Zapotosky should be thrown out. Zimmerlink thinks the Vinces retaliated against her for being so outspoken about them and the attorney agrees--he just doesn't think she has enough evidence to prove it.

The saga of the three commissioners is always going--including details of new and campaigning commissioners. We had the Cellurale suit during the primaries and Zimmerlink's suit. The thing is, no matter what they do and how good their reasons are, everyone always just looks like they're cranky little kids trying to get back at each other. Not good.