Monday, November 21, 2011

Strange Encounters of the Sherwood's Kind

A recap of some recent visits to Sherwood's, the best bar ever.

  • A dude bought a homosexual friend of mine a shot. This was so rare and shocking that I wondered if it was an evil setup.
  • The same night, a regular talked to us about former gay bar Illusions. Her story included the glorious quotes, "Chased a woman. Where did it get me? The fucking sticks" and "When life gives you lemons, I get beer."
  • The best margaritas ever. Still.
  • Ask for the Swedish fish shot. Even though they've been making them so strong lately that they don't even taste like Swedish fish and burn going down.
  • They often run out of sours. Just a warning.
  • Got bought a round of drinks from a nice old man that told us dirty jokes. He started to get a little creepy, though, considered we're all in our early 20s.
  • Got approached by two guys, one who told us the friend with him "has the biggest cock in Vanderbilt." So big, in fact, that it goes halfway down Vanderbilt Road.
  • We happen to know that he actually likes to fight people by jumping them from behind.
  • Got approached by two more guys. The first wanted to karaoke some country music with an attractive friend of mine. The second just wanted to make out and grope her against her will, didn't back off when told to by three people, and only listened to the owner when she yelled that they needed to leave.
  • Old dude, Vanderbilt Cock, and Groper all approached us the same night in the span of maybe a half hour.
  • Sis, the owner, is the most amazing person ever. She made us popcorn and gives us hugs and cheek kisses and saved us from further creepy interactions.
  • Homemade potato chips.
  • Vanderbilt Cock and Groper almost got into fight. Unclear if it was over the groping and Vanderbilt Cock trying to get us to leave with him or money owed to someone. Either way, Sis wasn't having it, I swear I heard someone yell, "I've been to prison and I'm not afraid to go back," and we picked up our purses and box of popcorn, linked arms, ran like hell out of there, and gunned it out of the parking lot.

1 comment:

  1. I literally laughed out loud when I read this.