County Crime Round-Up

• There was an armed robbery at Fox's Pizza in Brownsville. Is this a Fox's Pizza that's super popular and rolling in cash? Because as robberies go, this is even worse than that tiny PNC that got robbed in New Salem. Should've robbed the drive-through beer distributor instead.
• We also had a jewelry theft. That's normal AKA boring AKA PRAISE GOD IT WAS JUST A JEWELRY THEFT.
• Oh, wait. A man raped a 12-year-old boy he was babysitting. I hate you, Fayette County. You ruin everything.
• The sheriff issued a monthly report. The most interesting numbers are 33 protection-from-abuse cases and 473 issued gun permits, which outnumbers the months total number of requests for service. Only 473? You guys are either slacking or acquiring illegal munitions supplies. Reminds me of the good ol' days when my uncle found a sawed-off shotgun near Sherwood's. Someone remind me someday to tap my relatives to compile a list of all the items they've found near Sherwood's.
• Then there was a shooting today. Hmm.
• We also have a whole list of all the recent court sentences. I'd read it, break it down, and comment, but the list is so damn long I'll never get anything else done tonight and I'll probably get depressed due to the nature of some crimes. Although a quick glance suggests most are actually DUIs.
• A man's sentence for threatening a judge was adjusted. 'Cause, you know, your best defense when on trial for rape is obviously to threaten the judge.
• We can't have a crime roundup without a forged prescription!
• A former librarian is suing, claiming discrimination due to political beliefs. In this county, that's highly likely, but I'm more interested in the part where the woman who fired her claimed to have done so for, among other things, using vulgar language among patrons. It's a good thing I didn't look into a job at the library, then, because it is physically impossible for me to talk about amazing and even terrible books without dropping an f-bomb. Oh, and the employee also "failed to properly handle a situation where a patron had left a revolver in a paper bag in the children’s room of the library." Uh, was at least registered with the sheriff?
• And breaking! A man has been charged after threatening to blow up Children & Youth Services after reporting information about an alleged child abuser but then got mad about the investigation. Must've taken lessons from that rapist who threatened a judge, because nothing says "I want to help an abused child" like saying "I'm gonna blow up the institution that helps abused children."