Tiny Bank Robberies

I promise I'll get to nonsense like the guy who called 911 445 times and pretty much sexually harassed the female dispatchers, but first, I'd like to briefly talk about the New Salem Bank Robbery. Mainly, who robs a bank in New Salem?

If you're not from the Nam, or maybe if you are but you've lived in Connellsville or something your entire life, you have no idea where New Salem is and this post means nothing to you, but that's exactly my point. Why, when deciding to rob a bank, does one think, "Oh, I know. I'll hit New Salem. They've got to be rolling in cash." The only advantage to New Salem is it's so small that maybe you'd be more likely to get away with a robbery, but still. Then you just kind of look like a jerk--more than you already did for robbing a bank to begin with--for disrupting tiny, peaceful New Salem. Nothing happens in New Salem. Seriously. My grandparents lived in New Salem, and the most eventful things I ever remember were the fire whistle blowing because it was really loud and Pap Pap buying me ice cream when the truck came down their street in the summer.

Poor New Salem.